Written by Rebel Not Taken
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Tuesday, 16 August 2011

image for Jimmy Bullard trades in Hull wet fish for QPR caviar
20,000 squid a week.

Word on the streets is that wantaway diamond geezer Jimmy Bullard is looking to trade in the wet fish of Hull for a diet of caviar with glamour club QPR.

Jimmy Bullard was last seen casting his line in London after calling Hull "a minging dump."

Cockney rascal Jimmy Bullard, who is trousering £45,000 a week at the Yorkshire club, has been told to 'sling his hook' by Hull bosses after other players called him "a big time Charlie" on a pre season tour of Slovenia.

Loyal Hull supporter Eric Spratt has revealed to other fans on the East Riding Messageboard that troublemaker Jimmy Bullard "drinks like a fish" and has "reeled in shoals of slappers in his hotel room."

But Bullard's agent Billy Pikey claims Jimmy is just a keen angler who has been "stitched up like a kipper" and has been given his P45 for rightly criticising the quality of Hull fish:
"He caught a few things in Hull but none of them from the sea!" said Pikey.

QPR manager Neil Warnock is scheming to get Jimmy off his Hull hook by offering a bait of 20,000 squid a week and has held talks with the midfield playmaker at the Koksifilis Fish Bar in the Goldhawk Road.

Warnock has said "Jimmy is a smashing lad and not the little maggot that people make him out to be."

It is well known that QPR fans have a soft spot for lovable rogues and haven't had a really naughty one since gambling, drinking and womanising legend 'Stan The Man' Bowles strutted his stuff.

Long time Ranger's supporter Doris Snapper from White City, 88, has admitted: "I love having a bad boy playing in the Bush."

But Hull fans will be glad to see the back of 'slippery' Jimmy Bullard: "If Bullard joins QPR they will get battered every week" said retired trawlerman Arthur Halibut.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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