Written by Morse
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Sunday, 7 August 2011

image for Say G'night Mate! Scott and Williams Put Tiger's Lights Out by 18 Strokes!
Badly Beaten Tiger Retires to Lick His Wounds...Nobody Else Will!

Adam Scott the affable Aussie and New Zealand caddie Stevie Williams put "paid" to Tiger Woods' come back hopes as the dynamic duo blew away the field in Akron, Ohio with a 4 stroke victory that was never in doubt!

A confidant Scott, appearing in charge, and with a slight swagger to his step, marched to victory adding an exclamation point to his win, worth $1.4M, with a birdie putt on the 18th following a long iron to within 2 feet on the long par 4.

Woods struggled all day; his drives seldom found the fairway, his pitches were short, and though he made a few token long putts that didn't matter, the short ones he didn't make did!

One long time Tiger watcher was quick to blame the greens crew at the Firestone Country Club for Wood's putting problems.

Said "Woody" McPherson, a former caddy at the club for 55 years, "the gangs been busy grooming the course this week trimming the greens and especially 'round the cup. I think Tiger's problem, and I've watched him a long time now, he does better when there's a little more hair 'round the hole....!"

Stevie Williams, who caddied for Woods for over 12 years and helped Woods become the world's leading golfer at one time before the infamous Thanksgiving Day massacre where
his wife went after him with a 9 iron for serial cheating, said today "This week was the best week of my life....and I've been caddying for 35 years!"

Williams was next to Scott before every shot, talking earnestly, keeping him focused, and during at least two occasions talked him into another club selection which saw the calm 31 year old launch spectacular shots to the green leading to birdies.

Scott shocked the field with his 8 under par in the first round, and still held the lead after the second, even though he had finished even for the day.

"I'm still trying to gauge his appetite and stamina," said Williams. "I arranged for a wee bit of social relaxation for the lad after the first day, but it seems I might have over reached a bit. Four birds in the hot tub was a bit much....but after an adjustment, two seem about right as you can see by today's results!"

"The lad's got game," continued Stevie, "if he keeps focused, let's me handle his social life off the course, and stays away from quickies behind the dumpster, he could go all the way!"

After today's round Woods is rated #124 on the PGA tour, and it seems that any chance for a comeback at 36 has been seriously diminished based on his mental attitude, petulant demeanor, and the rash of seriously qualified 20 something challengers who no longer fear a now toothless Tiger, who seems to not only have lost his Pride, but his Mojo too!

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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