Written by Mark MacDonald
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Monday, 8 August 2011

Gary Lineker best known for his Golden Wonder adverts, the most recent one being one were he can't get rid of a hungry Lionel Ritchie. During the advert Lineker, rumoured to be on a contract of over one million pounds a year and free Golden Wonder crisps for life (except cheese and onion cause his model wife doesn't like it!) is filmed in a shop, airport, aeroplane and city park.

The highly paid crisp muncher is this time joined by 80s soul singer Lionel Ritchie who serenades Lineker with Three times a lady which is three times more than Lineker actually is. Although at the time of writing the writer can't quite remember if that hit was actually sung on the Golden Wonder advert by Mr Ritchie.

"I was asked if I would like to do an advert with Lineker, I was shocked they asked me as I'm not actually a crisp fan. It took me a while to confirm as I was playing games in the dark with people in the park." said Ritchie.

A happy Gary Lineker confirmed that Ritchie did follow him from a shop to the airport and after Lineker jumped from a plane Mr Ritchie was there to meet him and try and steal his crisps.

Alan Hansen an unhappy viewer contacted us on condition of anonymity "It's false adventism, sorry advertism pure and simple Lineker. He is left handed and if he jumped out a plane how could he pull the rip cord? Al what do you think?

"It appears that the theme of the advert is a guy stalking somebody cause he not only wants to have his crisps, but more worrying he wants to be Gary Lineker? Who would want to be him? A guy who has to pretend that this world cup we are going to win knowing that usually by the quarter finals yet again we get found out. How many times in his lifetime is Lineker going to have to end the England coverage on a downer? Al, that's some crease you got on your forehead

"Thanks Shearer"

Lineker said that it was not a bad advert and the theme of one man being followed about by another wanting to be him not giving him a minutes peace will likely be revisited again.

David Milliband and his brother have been contacted by monster.com about two brothers going to interviews who keep going for the same job using different websites and the guy with monster.com in this case Ed, finally gets the job.

Martin O'neil and Alex McLeish have been contacted by staples a company that supplies office equipment. Martin O'neil gets a state of the art office made for him over in Aston Villa. The unique selling point for Randy Lerner was a robotic Andy Grey and Richard Keyes who were a permanent feature with the big computer thingimejig. The lazy boy chair and a trampoline for practising goal celebrations were also fixtures of the futuristic office. Although some teething problems occurred when ever Dolly the tea lady came in the Robotic Andy Grey would provide her with a sexist comment that she never seen the funny side of. "Either Grey stays or we both go!" said O'neil citing constructive dismissal.

McLeish, who followed the Northern Irishmen from Glasgow, and moved next door to him in Solihull, (after being refused permission by O'Neil to cohabit.) found out About O'neils dream office and kept making excuses to visit. On O'neils departure he couldn't last a season without going to Martins office and eventually got offered the job. Mrs McLeish confirmed the story "Eck s always in his office. He's left us a cardboard cut out incase we forget him!"

Randy Lerner added "When Martin left Alex would come at all times of the day or night. He even brought Sir Alex Ferguson around to show him the office when he was still manager of Birmingham, sorry I'm shouting,we got the carpenter in sealing up the doors with Alex inside."

Make Mark MacDonald's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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