Written by P.M. Wortham
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Thursday, 16 June 2011

image for Vancouver Recruits Detroiters to Lead Riots After Stanley Cup Loss

Banking on Detroit's decades old reputation for top quality and well organized sports event rioting, Vancouver Canucks fans angered over their loss in the Stanley Cup Finals, recruited some hard core Motor City fans to help organize those efforts.

"Nobody can tip a car, or start a dumpster fire like a Detroit sports fan", says Vancouver community organizer Bob McKenzie. "We thought we would fly some of them in to help us with the training and execution phases of our own event".

This morning, Detroit City Council members vehemently denied any city governmental involvement in the organization of rioting, arson or looting activities around the city of Vancouver, but wished them all well in their civil disobedience endeavors.

1980's Detroit Tigers fan Harold Bernum, was reportedly one of the Vancouver recruits with experience in street rioting after the 1984 Baseball World Series win in Detroit. He and five others now all in their 60's were on an Eastwest Airlines flight bound for Vancouver late last night, but never departed the terminal. "Damn mechanical failure", commented Bernum. "We wanted to show those guys in Vancouver how to do the job right, but they figured it out on their own". A retired Ford autoworker, Bernum added, "Hey, when it comes to sports rioting, quality should be job one".

McKenzie and his civil disobedience compatriots, after leading the "Boo" chants throughout the Stanley Cup Awards ceremony, took to the streets on their own without external consultants assisting the process. Most accounts of the post-game seven action in the streets, indicate that the fans were indeed successful without outside help.

"Still, it would have been nice to participate", says Bernum. "We certainly don't mind busting up somebody else's town".

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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