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Wednesday, 8 June 2011

image for Harry Redknapp Offloads Peter Crouch To Liverpool - Targets Balotelli
Spurs - Minted. And Not In A Polo Way.

Latest news from the Lane suggests that Liverpool officials are close to negotiating a return to Anfield for Peter Crouch, and that Spurs intend to use the money in part payment for tempestuous Italian hitman Mario Balotelli, who has been told he can leave Manchester City.

"I don't really wanna let Crouchy go," Redknapp commented. "But the truth is, he's become a bit of a liability on the insurance here. Every day, after training, he goes down the battle cruiser wiv the lads to sink a few vessels, and almost invariably, he bangs his napper on the low roof beams. It's costing us a fortune in brain scans, and it ain't doing Crouchy much good either. We all agree that it's probably better if he goes back to Liverpool."

Reds boss, King Kenny Dalglish reports that he can envisage a bright future for the prodigal one at Anfield, and that he's confident that Crouchy will earn an international recall.

Redknapp is hoping to seal the deal quickly, in order to continue negotiations with Manchester City, in order to land Balotelli.

The young Italian has fallen from grace at Eastlands following a number of unfortunate incidents, such as not being able to put a training vest on properly, being allergic to grass, allegedly following through on a fart, and lobbing darts at City juniors. Redknapp apparently feels that Balotelli will fit in better at a London club, because they're more cosmopolitan, an that, innit.

Nobody seems quite sure where Spurs are getting all this money from, with expected outgoing expenses estimated at £2 trillion in this summer's transfer window, but the fans are happy. Referencing purchasing power to rival that of Real Madrid, Spurs fans have started referring to their new squad as "Los Galactispurs."

More as we get it.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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