Written by Ellis Ian Fields
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Saturday, 28 May 2011

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A more traditional Yorkshire pursuit.

News that Yorkshire is to bid to host the opening stages of the 2016 Tour De France has met with mixed feelings among Yorkshiremen.

The race's first two days are held in a new location outside France every two years and tourist body, Welcome To Yorkshire, believes that hosting the event will raise the county's profile worldwide.

A Yorkshire stage would take in Leeds, the Yorkshire Dales, Scarborough, York, Hull and Sheffield.

Popular Yorkshire playwright, Benny Allott, who has lived in Richmond, Surrey for 30 years, said: "Grand idea - I can just see our Mabel's reaction to all those lycra-clad buttocks pumping by her doowerstep of a drizzly Dales afternoon.

"Probably be the biggest shock since the vicar's frock blew open on Good Friday, 1952, as she waited for the 87 bus to Skipton to pick up mother's ointment. Ooh, it took a few cups of tea to put her right then. They still talk about it at the WI to this day."

But well-loved former cricket umpire, Ricky Hurd, argued: "Bloody Frenchies on bikes? What do they want to cum ovver 'ere fower? They don't lake at t'real game, do they?

"Crickeet's what we do in Yorksheer - crickeet, thumpin' t'Lankies and t'Ozzies. We don't need a bunch of bloody pedal-pushers poncing around God's own county, thank thee very much."

"Crickeet!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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