Written by Rebel Not Taken
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Topics: Wayne Rooney

Saturday, 21 May 2011

image for Wayne Rooney had sex with his laptop 2000 times
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The latest revelations about Wayne Rooney's love life have rocked the PC World.

Sources within the computer repair technical department have revealed that the Manchester United footballer has had his laptop repaired 2000 times this month.

An employee, Code Monkey Nerd 69, has told fans on Twitter that the footballer was visiting his laptop for sex sessions.

Rooney had boasted to staff in his local PC repair shop about giving the laptop a "good seeing to" and "taking it from behind".

The England footballer had also asked if he could get his hands on some clapped out old computers that were past their sell by date.

Rooney, who recently won the Nobel Prize for Literature, has told reporters that he has been working hard on his latest novel 'Putting people to sleep in 10 seconds'.

He admits to getting frustrated when he gets writer's block.

The webcam evidence of the footballer aggressively approaching the laptop and shouting: "get your Caps Lock off you old slapper" has been handed to the FA.

Rooney has taken out superinjunctions against PC World, Twitter and Microsoft.

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