Written by anthonyrosania
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Monday, 9 May 2011

image for Peter North Stars Hockey Team Blows Huge, Gelatinous, Ropelike Petition for Entry onto NHL's Stomach

The NHL has a potential scandal on their hands, now that the Peter North Stars, a Florida-based hockey team owned by XXX penis-for-hire Peter North, had made their burning, lustful desire to become an NHL franchise official.

Dear Gay Professional Athletes...

If you continue to remain in the closet, you are perpetuating an already-f--ked up societal clusterf--k. Make a stand.

"There is nothing exciting about the NHL today," said North, 54, who blew a ropey load all over the porn industry when his singular talent --the ability to launch what appear to be the web Spider-Man uses to swing from buildings-- became the stuff of legend, beginning in 1984 with his debut film, "Peter North: I Ain't Gay Anymore" premiered in Times Square, NYC. "I just wanna inject some fun into the game.

A huge sticking point may be the Peter North Stars logo, which appears to be a modified version of the logo used by the Minnesota North Stars, who defected to become the Dallas Borderhoppers in 1994.

On the Florida-based team, the right-most vertical of the Minnesota team's logo's 'N' now appears to be some sort of bulbous shaft, and the star has been replaced with what was described by the team as "something you'd find drying on the lumbar tattoo of the barfly you brought home last night."

Taking away from the spectacle of the announcement were some unfortunate comments from the League front-office.

"Peter North is a pornographer, and an admitted bisexual," said whomever the hell the Comissioner of the NHL is. "If the NHL wanted to have gays as the public faces of the league, Sindey Crosby would be the captain of the (Pittsburgh) Penguins, allegedly."

"We meant nothing hateful by the comments made about the situation," said the quickly-backpedaling lead attorney for the NHL. "We apologize to the Pittsburgh Penguins franchise, to Sindey and his husband."

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