Written by Jalapenoman
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Topics: Baseball, mascot

Saturday, 15 October 2005

image for Tampa Bay Devil Rays Baseball Team to Change Name
The Tampa Bay team wants a new image

The Tampa Bay Devil Rays baseball team has decided to change their name and mascot. "We aren't selling that many single game or season tickets and we think it may be a team identity problem," said club spokesman Phil Balk. "The team is one of the newer ones in baseball and so we don't have a long tradition with the name."

When asked if the idea for a name change was because the team was on the edge of the bible belt and did not want to be assosciated with the devil, Balk said that "the Satanic idea has nothing to do with it. We actually tried selling our souls to the devil for a World Series victory early in the season. He laughed and said that he did that once for our football team, and didn't really care much for our city."

We also asked Balk if he had any suggestions or ideas for new team names. "Sure, we have a bunch."

"We thought of going with the Buccaneers, even though the football team already has that. New York used to have the Giants in football and baseball. St. Louis used to have the Cardinals in both sports. There is tradition for this. We decided not to do it because, even though the football team did win one Super Bowl, most of the country still identifies them with losers because of the streak." (Note: Tampa Bay holds the record for the longest losing streak in NFL history)

"We also thought of the Tampa Bay Bible Thumpers. We knew it would make all of the born agains in area happy, but were unsure about the Jews, Moslems, and Athiests. We figured that some stupid athiest with nothing better to do would probably sue us because the name was offensive. I mean, there is that moron in New Mexico that is trying to do that with one of their cities right now. We also thought that Disney might not let us use the name Thumper unless we sold them part of the team (like the Anaheim Mighty Ducks)."

"Another idea for a team name we have kicked around is the Tampa Bay Gays. We could be the first team in sport to openly pursue the homosexual fan base. Our team members protested this, however, as they did not want their butts kicked before, during, and after every game."

"Another idea, and the one we are probably going with, is the Tampa Bay ______. We would sell the naming rights to the team to the highest bidder each season. They would buy the opportunity to name the team after their company or one of their products. They do this with college bowl games and with stadiums, so why not with teams. So far, looking at the highest bid, we are probably going to be the Tampa Bay Victoria's Secret Lace Flyaway Babydolls next season."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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