Written by Desperate Hack
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Sunday, 1 May 2011

Following Manchester United's one goal defeat to Arsenal today, and so making next weekend's crunch game with second placed Chelsea a possible title decider, Pampers, the company known for manufacturing baby's nappies has secured a special one off sponsorship deal with the Reds.

Phil Mepants, the UK sales and marketing director of Pampers was quickly on the phone to Old Trafford after the poor result for United at the Emirates.

Commenting on the sponsorship coup, Phil said, "As soon as we knew the result of today's game we saw the marketing opportunity for the pending game United have with Chelsea nest weekend. There will be plenty of United fans who will be very nervous and have what we call 'twitchy bum syndrome'. Of course this leaves fans running the risk of getting some pretty messy pants during what proves to be a tense ninety minutes."

Phil continued, "this presented us with a great marketing opportunity and we were delighted when the club agreed to hand out one nappy to every UNited supporter entering the ground. This will allow fans to watch the game knowing that trips to the toilet can be curtailed and that any nervous mishaps can be hidden."

A spokesperson for Manchester United said, "It seemed appropriate that after playing crap today against Arsenal, we needed something to stem the crap for next weekend. We were only too pleased that Pampers came along and made the offer."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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