Written by Dr. Billingsgate
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Monday, 11 April 2011

image for Tiger Woods Hires World Class Dominatrix To Whip His Swing Into Shape
Tiger's Travails

Still licking his wounds after failing to win the 2011 Masters yesterday, Tiger reflected on why he hasn't won this tournament since 2006. While shooting a 31 on the front nine, and for a short time seeing his name on top of the leader board, he once again failed to respond to the challenge of putting his golf game together for the requisite 18 holes.

Last year, after going through the scandalous revelations of his personal life, brought about by his ongoing affairs with an eclectic pussy posse of perhaps 20 or more Ho's, not only his wife left him, but more harmfully to his golf game, his swing coach, Hank Haney deserted him also.

Realizing that he needed help, he acquired a new coach, Sean Foley, to work with him. As anyone who has played golf at a high level knows, there are as many swing theories extant as there are gurus who claim to have unraveled the "secret." Foley, however, was not able to solve the puzzle for the beleaguered Tiger, who now claims that his late father, Earl, was the glue that held his swing together.

Last night, after drowning the sorrow of his latest defeat with a cup or two of scotch, he said that it occurred to him that the reason for his earlier success was that his dad controlled every aspect of his life. Putting two and two together, Tiger announced that he has retained the combat-booted, Redolfa Hoganette, to whip his swing into shape. For those who don't follow this specialty, Ms. Hoganette is a world class dominatrix with a portfolio of clients, including the present leaders of both Italy and France.

Because of confidential contractual arrangements, she respectively declined to predict how long it would take for her to cure his tendency to dip as he comes through the ball; a fault that he blames on a tip from his friend, Charles Barkley.

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