Written by Monkey Woods
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Tuesday, 8 March 2011

image for Plymouth Argyle Green Kit Blamed For Woes
What would Drake have said?

Latest football casualties, League One side Plymouth Argyle, have issued a statement saying that their current financial situation has come about as a direct result of their weird green kit.

A spokesman for the club, which has played in green since 1886, told us:

"Our players can't see each other due to the background being green grass. It's a terrible strain on their eyes."

Argyle are currently propping-up the division, and were 6 points from safety before tonight's encounter with Swindon Town. The Wiltshire club plays in a more sensible all-red strip.

Plymouth entered administration last Friday, and are certainties for the drop into League Two at the end of the season. Supporters were vociferous in their condemnation of the stupid green kit. One asked us:

"Eeer, where's moy comboyne 'arvester?"

Another quipped:

"What would Sir Francis Drake have said?"

Sir Francis Drake, it was, who reputedly played a game of bowls on Plymouth Hoe as the Spanish Armada advanced in 1588. It's a near-certainty that Sir Francis wouldn't have chosen green for his team's colours, probably settling on a more nautical and noble royal blue.

I guess we'll never know.

Or care.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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