Written by Nick Hobbs
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Monday, 7 March 2011

image for Manchester United's Nani 'Delighted' With Liverpool Assist
Rumours abound that United may try smoking Nani out of his Anfield locker.

Manchester United's winger, Nani, has broken Sir Alex Ferguson's media gag, and spoken of his delight with the assist he made on Liverpool's second goal, during their 3-1 defeat against the Merseyside warriors.

Nani, who spoke to us through the grill in his locker, where he is still hiding from his manager, said "looking back, I do feel sad that I made a mistake, but you have to admit it was a beautiful piece of play! A real corker of a header."

"I think it will possibly go down as one of the top assists this season!" he continued, "I just saw the ball coming in and saw that Kuyt was open, so I just planted it perfectly for him to nod it home!"

Kuyt was said to be really chuffed with the assist, and has even sent Nani a thank-you card and flowers to the Anfield locker where he is in self imposed exile, for fear of Sir Alex's wrath.

Medical staff have not commented on the injury that Nani sustained during Jamie Carraghers tackle, as he is unable to fit his foot through the locker door grill.

But sources close to the star have posted some elastoplasts through one of the slots and he is said to 'happy with that'.

Rumours that Sir Alex attempted to block the grill up with expanding foam have yet to be confirmed.

Liverpool staff are happy to let Nani use the locker until further notice. It's the least they can do after such a wonderful assist.

Updates as we get them.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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