Written by Monkey Woods
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Tuesday, 1 March 2011

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The atmosphere is electric

It's the match that everyone in football has been talking about, the game between the Champions, Manchester United, and the team who many saw as their biggest challengers this season, Carlo Ancelotti's Chelsea.

Chelsea are currently in 5th place, a full 15 points behind the Reds, having played one game fewer than their rivals, but with little realistic chance of catching them.

As this morning got under way, United boss Sir Alex Ferguson took his players down to breakfast at their Middlesex hotel where they enjoyed a choice of cereals and fruit juices, before gathering together for a team talk in the splendid new wing which also houses a sauna.

Afterwards, many just sat around and watched daytime TV or had a game of conkers in the pleasant hotel grounds.

Meanwhile at Stamford Bridge, many of the Chelsea squad didn't get up until around 10am, after which they made their way to the stadium in their cars, or on buses. One walked. When they reached the Bridge, some discussed what they had watched on TV last night. Some sat silently. One had a wank.

One man who was extremely busy was the Chelsea kit man. He got all of the kits out and hung them on pegs so that the players could put them on when the time comes tonight.

The game kicks off at 7.45pm and is bound to be a corker.

Latest score from Stamford Bridge:

Chelsea 0 Manchester United 0

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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