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Monday, 15 November 2010

image for New Meadowlands Goes Green, Will Shut Off Lights During Each Giants Game.
SHUT THOSE OFF! yelled Giants fans.

The leadership team at the New Meadowlands, whose catchphrase "New Meadowlands, Same Urine Smell In Parking Garage" is emblazoned on each Giants' ticket, has decided to 'Go Green', reducing its carbon footprint by turning off the lights at some point during each upcoming Giants home game.

"Our pilot program was instituted last night," said a spokesperson for the New Jersey Sports and Exposition Authority, who spent $1.4 billion to construct the building, without spending a dime trying to think up a new name. "Those 12 minutes the lights were off saved tens of dollars in electricity costs, and reduced carbon output by 0.000024%."

The New Meadowlands' revelation regarding the power outage also benefitted former Cowboys' Head Coach Wade Phillips, who was arrested in the East Rutherford, NJ complex wearing linesman's rubber insulated gloves and carrying wire cutters.

"I told you I didn't do anything, you c-cksuckers," said Phillips, whose 45 minutes in jail changed his life. Forever. "Guard! On the gate!"

Following the New Meadowlands' lead, the NHL's New York Islanders have promised to turn off the lights in Nassau Coliseum for the entirety of Islanders' games, for the rest of the season.

"Who the f--k wants to watch the Islanders play," asked owner Charles Wang, who has placed them team up for sale on eBay, without a reserve price. "It's like watching the WNBA, in terms of quality of play."

"But, you know, without black people. We don't allow blacks in the NHL."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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