Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Thursday, 11 November 2010

image for The Dallas Cowboys Sign Quarterback Kurt Warner
Cowboys owner Jerry Jones signed Kurt Warner to a half-year contract worth $3 million.

DALLAS - Now that Dallas Cowboys owner Jerry Jones has fired his head football coach Wade "The Statue" Phillips, Jones truly feels that the Cowboys might just find the road to victory.

He stated that he has total confidence in his new coach Jason Garrett, and that he knows that JG will take the (1-7) team and turn them into a respectable (2-7) after their next game.

When Jones was reminded that the Cowboys will next be facing the New York Giants who are (6-2) he rolled his eyes, made a swishing sound with his mouth, and beads of sweat suddenly started to form on his white forehead.

He was asked if he had given any consideration to trying to find a quarterback to replace 38-year-old Jon Kitna, who replaced the injured Tony Romo.

Jones noted that the problem is with the offensive line, the defensive line, the special teams, and the cheerleaders.

He said that the offense is not stopping his quarterback from ending up on his freakin ass. The defense is not stopping the other team from getting into the effen end zone. The special teams are not holding onto the frickin football. And he pointed out that he has started to see some effed up cellulite on one or two of his cheerleaders.

Jones did say that he watched last Tuesdays Dancing With The Stars 'results show' and he saw where three time Super Bowl quarterback Kurt Warner was eliminated.

He then remarked that he immediately called Warner after the show and talked to him about signing a contract to quarterback the Cowboys for the rest of the season.

Jones offered Warner a half year contract worth $3 million. He said that Warner agreed and he added that dancing on the reality dance show really kept him in shape and he should be able to sidestep any pass rush from any NFL team with relative ease.

SIDENOTE: Warner even confided to Jerry, that as confident as he is feeling right now, Jerry's offensive line could be comprised of the Fort Worth High School offensive line and he will still be able to get his pass plays off NP (no problem).

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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