Written by Neil Levine
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Monday, 11 July 2005

image for Shelly "Tarnished" Silver  ---The Contrarian Olympian
I Have No Pelf In This Fight

Having stifled New York City, the USOC, any surviving living local Republicans and the national economy from enjoying the Olympics domestically with his rapacious demands for patronage, Shelly Silver has gone into full fund raising mode by going door to door asking for political donations.

"Can you spare some change for a good cause?"


"Whatever you can give! I believe in the nickeling and diming business of patronage taxes. Remember what is good for Shelly Silver is good for you."


Since basic poverty and gold digging tactics from grade school dictate that if you look like a rich pol people will suspect you have a tap on the public fount, Sheldon Silver, the power obsessed leader of the New State Assembly, has adopted a new guise to make his crusade for other people's money easier.


"Ya gotta be poor to appreciate the good life I've had scrounging up money for the party and I intend to keep on putting on a poor Act. I will not be happy until I can make a success out of poverty, with poverty as a political way of life becoming easier and easier and easier and easier to achieve until there is no opposition to poverty as the way to do things in any case whatsoever. This is just too pervasive to ignore. Poverty is out there. You can see it everywhere. So being Da Boss, ya know, da Boss of Bosses meaning I am Boss so boss this and be careful what you say or do. Cause I'm a Bossy Boss."


"I intend to wage a war on poverty by putting more people in public housing so we will not provide parking anywhere there is a need for cars. Why drive paying customers away. I want what I want when I want it. No questions asked. We need bigger deficits to hide our arrears behind a false front of money for everyone."


"I am looking into ways of squeezing money from a stone, if possible."


"I say patronage today, patronage tomorrow, patronage FOREVER. It's all how you hustle. Gotta hustle ya know. Gotta meet people. Gotta greet people. Gotta go, go, go. So let me go Love ya. Let me be. Love ya. Gotta be me. Gotta catch my Limo. The subways are just too crowded and dirty this time of year. Nothing but the best. Love ya"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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