Written by anthonyrosania
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Monday, 18 October 2010

image for Philadelphia Eagles Defeat Atlanta Falcons, Not That Anyone In New Jersey Could Watch It.
F--k Fox, F--k News Corp. Syndication Underground.

The Philadelphia Eagles defeated the Atlanta Falcons today, 31-17, snapping Atlanta's four game winning streak.

Not that anyone in New Jersey got to watch it.

Indeed, more than three million television viewers in New York and New Jersey missed out after negotiations broke down between Cablevision Systems Corp. and Fox's parent, News Corp.

Syndication underground?

When New York based radio hosts Opie and Anthony were pulled from major market radio in much of the country, many O&A fans began rebroadcasting the show --illegally-- over some websites.

It seems that there are 1 or 2 (or 14) websites that are currently broadcasting Fox's coverage over the internet. This is illegal, of course, and should be discouraged. HA!

"It says here that DeSean Jackson and Dunta Robinson suffered concussions on the same play," said Keyport, NJ resident Anthony Rosania, a strikingly, if unconventionally handsome writer who followed the action on ESPN's website, because he couldn't watch the game.

"Kevin Kolb apparently remembered how to throw a football," continued Rosania. "He went 23 for 29 passes, 326 yards, while Michael Vick held his injured chest on the sideline, muttering 'I miss you, Rover' over and over."

Again, not that anyone in New York or New Jersey got to see it.

On Saturday night, Cablevision said it already pays News Corp $70 million per year for programming and that the network wants $150 million.

"Sh-t, $70 million is too much," said John Davis, a Middletown, NJ resident who doesn't turn Fox on unless the NFL logo is in the bottom right corner."

"You want 21 reasons why they don't deserve $150 million?" asked Rosania. "America's Most Wanted; American Idol; Bones; Fringe; Glee; Hell's Kitchen; Kitchen Nightmares; F--k Me In The Kitchen; Lie to Me; Raising Hope; So You Think You Can Dance; The Good Guys; Jennaphr Frederick, Steve Keeley, Sue Serio's gigantic ass, Rosanna Scotto; Greg Kelly; Mike Woods; Ines Rosales. Should I continue?

"It's unfortunate that Cablevision are such d-ckheads, putting sports fans in a situation where they have to miss football or baseball," said News Corp., similar to the way the 9/11 terrorists blame the World Trade Center for being in their flight path. "We are simply asking for fair compensation for the value that Fox29, Fox5, and My9 programming offers at the same negotiated rate other cable operators have agreed to already," Fox said in a statement.

"That's OK," said Rosania. "I'll be damned if I miss another moment of Eagles football or the Phillies in the playoffs."

"Syndication... Underground."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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