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Saturday, 9 October 2010

image for LeSean McCoy to Start for Eagles Against 49ers: "Thank God, because I'm sure I'll suck," said Kevin Kolb.

To everyone's surprise, Michael Vick being ruled out as playing on Sunday against the 49ers doesn't mean that there will be no one available that can actually gain yards: Running back LeSean McCoy, who was expected to miss time with a broken rib, is now expected to play.

"Thank God LeSean will be able to play," said Head Coach Andy Reid, while eating a meatloaf and birthday cake sandwich during his daily bore-fest... er, press conference. "Between Kevin Kolb and the game's worst offensive line, I didn't think we'd be able to field any good offensive players."

"Our plan is to allow Kevin Kolb to throw the ball 5-6 times early in the game," said Reid. "They'll all be incomplete, of course, and then every f--king play I call thereafter we'll be a handoff to McCoy."

"All the carries will damage his ribcage permanently, then we'll bring on his backup, Eldra Buckley, whom I don't believe has ever even touched a football," concluded Reid, while slurping down his sixth double-shot of melted marzipan and drawn butter. "Then we'll blame this embarrassing loss on national TV all on him. That's Eagles football, version 2011. Have a great day."

The Eagles will also be without cornerbacks Asante Samuel and Riley Cooper, who both got knocked stupid in last week's game, although Samuel believes he is OK, and is not happy about being benched.

"What is this, minced? You feed me minced," ask Samuel, 6 days after his 242nd concussion. "Did you ever catched a minced fish?"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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