Written by Monkey Woods
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Monday, 27 September 2010

image for Manchester United Back Four Is "Worst In Living Memory" Says Baby, Aged 2
Wayne showing next-door-neighbour Dimitar how to boot a ball into touch

The defensive back four of Premier League title challengers Manchester United is "just not good enough", and "the worst in living memory" according to one staunch Reds fan, Wayne Blenkinsop, aged 2, from somewhere, but not Manchester.

Wayne, whose dad, Bobby, named him after United's Wayne Rooney, made the astonishing comments after United's defensive frailties were once again exposed during Sunday's disappointing 2-2 draw with Bolton Wanderers at the Reebok Stadium.

It was a game United needed to win to close the gap on leaders Chelsea, who were beaten 1-0 at Manchester City on Saturday.

Bolton went ahead when defender Zat Knight flicked in a corner, but Nani equalised with an angled strike after a powerful run.

Martin Petrov restored Bolton's lead when his shot went in off Darren Fletcher, before substitute Michael Owen glanced in a Nani free-kick to earn a point for United.

Blenkinsop, who turned 2 last Monday, was clearly upset by United's failure to capitalise on Chelsea's blip, and told his dad:

"It's the worst back four I can remember, Dad. With Ferdinand out, and that plank Vidic, and the unreliable Evra and O'Shea in defence, we look real shaky. We'll win nowt!"

Bobby, named thusly by his own dad after United superhero Sir Bobby Charlton, tightened the red scarf knotted around his wrist, and told the tot:

"Aye, y'not wrong, lad."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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