Written by Simon Cockle
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Sunday, 26 September 2010

image for Commonwealth Games 'could move to Sandy, Bedfordshire'
Next stop Sandy...

As tension mounts in the run up to the ill-fated Commonwealth Games, the committee responsible for organising the games has suggested that the Bedfordshire town of Sandy may be used as an alternative venue.

Despite its small size, Sandy, unlike Delhi, already has much of the infrastructure in place to handle a major sporting event like the Commonwealth Games.

The Mayor of Sandy, Ken Overspill, 63, explained 'Oh, yes, we have everything here already. The Holiday Inn can comfortably accommodate at least 30-odd, although there is a wedding on next weekend so they'll have a bit of trouble sleeping.'

Conditions in Delhi have been described as 'filthy' and food has been criticised for lack of hygiene. 'Food-wise, there's the Somerfield on the roundabout,' says Ken, 'and, of course, there's all the pasties a top runner could want at Budgens.'

Sandy already has a transport infrastructure way in advance of Delhi. It has fast links to both Moggerhanger and Biggleswade, and at least two taxi firms, though you'll need to give Geoff a couple of days notice if his back is playing up again.

Training facilities would centre on the local school and running events could be staged in the town square. 'Providing they wait for the green man at the Pelican crossing, and don't slip on the pavement near the chip shop, they can run for as long as they want.' Field events could be staged near the RSPB reserve 'but don't scare the birds with yer javelins and whatnot - I can't allow that. Not on my watch'.

Katrina Jeremy-Kyle, 31, said 'They can do something in my garden. There's a swing and an old sofa. But they'll have to get rid of the dog-mess. Errol's on nights and he won't touch it in the daylight.'

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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