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Friday, 13 August 2010

image for Frustrated Lou Piniella grabs beer, activates emergency slide in dugout

SAN FRANCISCO, CA-Following an 8-7 loss to the San Francisco Giants, their 67th of the season, Chicago Cubs manager Lou Piniella "snapped" according to witnesses. Piniella cursed out the Cubs organization on the P.A. system before grabbing a case of beer from the locker room and exiting the ballpark via the inflatable emergency slide in the visiting team's dugout, making a dramatic exit from the stadium and his Cubs career.

"I can't take it anymore!" Piniella was heard bellowing throughout AT&T Park. "This team's utterly inconsiderate behavior, complete lack of effort, unwillingness to hustle, and overall shittiness has finally taken its toll! Fuck you, Chicago! Thanks for three-and-a-half years of absolutely nothing!"

At press, authorities are seeking to arrest Piniella for improper use of M.L.B. emergency equipment.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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