Written by Monkey Woods
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Topics: Cycling

Tuesday, 20 July 2010

image for Tour De France Drama As Rider Has Vuvuzela Shoved Up His Arse
The peloton reaches Bagneres-de-Luchon

There was drama in the Pyrenees this afternoon on the 15th stage of the Tour de France, when Michael Schleck, the man leading the race, was found lying flat in the middle of the road with a vuvuzela sticking out of his arse.

It was not immediately known just how the trumpet-like instrument had got there, and doctors had a nervous three-hour wait to endure before the unfortunate rider regained consciousness and was able to tell them.

Yellow jersey Schleck, from the Saxo Bank team, claims he was attacked as he neared the top of the Port de Bales, on the second day in the Pyrenees. He told police a group of fans mobbed him, wrestled him to the ground and inserted the vuvuzela into his anus "as far as it would go".

It's the latest incident in a worrying new trend of attacks involving the vuvuzela, made famous during the recent World Cup in South Africa. A fan there was the victim of a ruthless attack by Uruguayan fans who left one permanently sticking out of his anus. He has since been invited to join the London Philharmonic Orchestra.

In the last 24 hours, both former actress Zsa Zsa Gabor and US singer Pink have also fallen prey to the sharp end of a vuvuzela, and many more such accidents are expected in the near future, if this writer has anything to do with it.

Schleck was still in hospital last night, and his condition was said to be 'uncomfortable'.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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