La Maladie Francaise has resulted in the disappearance of the Gallic nation. Thiery Henri, French forward, complained; 'It was the curse of the Irish. I find it hard to handle the shame and humuiliation of our departure from the World Cup as bottom team in our Group and to know it was all the fault of the Irish'.
Irish observers maintain that the Emerald Isle should have been in the World Cup instead of France and celebrations in Ireland over the end of France were understandably joyous.
Former Irish manager Dubliner, James Joyce, who as a young man awakened the artistry of football in that nation, made an incomprehensible dreamlike statement, which will clearly be studied by academics for years to come. Another Irish wag joked 'France has behan and gone!'
The shattered French manager, Charles de Gaulle, has not taken the French disaster well. He refused to sing the Beatles' I'm Gonna Hold Your Hand in protest at the Anglo Saxon lyrics. He thinks his team have let the country down. 'There was no Resistance' he sadly explained with a Gallic shrug.
In Paris, where the death of the nation had been forecast, the search for the reason behind the French debacle is in full steam. As revealed earlier Madame Sakorsky is set to become France's manager in order to improve the morale of the defeated nation. She has appointed an excellent assistant in Emile Zola, former Chelsea star and successful West Ham Manager.
Marie Antoinette Sakorsky has proposed that the French team should play in a different kit for every match from now on. She also revealed her dramatic solution to the French problem as she whispered in my ear; 'We will find again the spirit of Napoleon. You will see us take on the might of Russia and then enjoy well deserved holidays on St Helena and the Isle of Elba.'
In true French style she is critically examining the diet of the squad. 'Enough of snails and frog's legs' she declared 'we shall go back to our true traditions: Bourbon biscuits and Vichy wine.'