Written by Johnny Cool
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Tuesday, 1 June 2010

image for Capellos' not so magnificent 7
You're fired

After much deliberation, The Italian, who looks like he's left his false teeth at home, has finally mumbled. He has named the 7 which will remain at home and have the luxury of watching the World Cup on their 60 inch LCD TVs, while guzzling a bottle or 2 of Pimms to help settle their nerves of non-selection.

The government has ordered an immediate enquiry as to why the 7 were selected in the first place.

Pinders, a keen Arsenal fan, was quoted as saying 'Everyone knows Carlton Cole and Walcott are crap at football but great 100 metre runners and should represent England in the 2012 Olympics.'

Guiseppe, who runs a coffee shop in Hendon, was also pleased about Tom Huddlestone not going: 'He's a regular customer in my shop he has about 10 chocolate brownies a day - that's £20 a day, £140 a week! If he was selected, it would be bad for my business.'

It is alleged that Capello asked each of the players to select who they would like to bring to the boardroom and justify why they should be on the plane to South Africa. He proceeded to tell the players in the style of Alan Sugar - 'Your fired.'

Theo Walcott took Lampard and Rooney into the room and felt 'they didn't contribute enough and that he was only a kid and deserved more of a chance.'

Darren Bent was unsure what the word 'link up' meant and Leighton Baines didn't realise South Africa was outside the UK and both were inevitably fired.

The seven fired Baines, Carlton Cole, Johnson, Parker, M Dawson and Huddlestone

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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