Lagos, Nigeria. Former football international, Renaldo, has joined a tribe of Swahili natives and now calls Nigeria home.
"I love it here. The people are so friendly and they even play football for fun. Even better, the welfare payments are out of this world." the ex-Brazil stiker declared.
Renaldo says he won't watch the upcoming World Cup because he's having a great time with these nomadic peoples. Only certain types of people are generally accepted by the Swahili but, in Renaldo's case, they were happy to accept a substantial monetary bribe in return for letting the football great live among them.
NB law authorities have swooped on the village where Renaldo has stayed and charged him with fraud, tax evasion, petty theft and conspiracy to murder. Renaldo's time in nomadic exile has become the worst own goal of his life.