Written by The Liberator
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Topics: Spain, testing

Friday, 18 February 2005

image for Senna heads testing times
Schumacher: Paper Champion

The exhumed body of three times Formula 1 World Champion Ayrton Senna topped testing times today at the Jerez circuit in Spain. Riding a rust unicycle the Brazilian lapped the circuit in 1 minute exactly, bettering false champion Micheal Schumacher's time by 20 minutes.

Schumacher when asked about todays poor performance said "It wasn't my fault, it never is."

A spokesperson for Senna's Unicycle team said "We felt it was time we got a real man back into F1, & The only one we could find was Senna. For too long it has been dominated by a cheating son of a bitch."

Longtime rival Alain Prost was heard to remark "It's good that Ayrton's back. He really won in 1989, I drove into him & then got my fellow countryman Jean Marie Balestre to disqualify him."

Senna who won the Championship in 1988, 1989 & 1990 & has held the record number of pole positions (65) for over 13 years is the greatest racing driver of all time. Senna's former co-pilot, God, said of this "He is you know, always has been, always will be!" Before bursting into a chorus of Tina Turner's "Simply the Best" holding one finger in the air & chanting "Ole, Ole, Ole, Sennnaaaaaa, Sennnnna"

Other Formula 1 teams are set to follow suit by re-enlisting famous drivers from the past in the coming months, Scotsman Jim Clark is set to make a re-entry into the sport to partner Juan Manuel Fangio on a skateboard. Jackie Stewart will be returning on foot, & Graham Hill has purchased an old scooter from Arthur Daley. Gordon Brown's hopes this year however are looking less promising as Economic Growth is slow. Preliminary testing has shown them also ALL to be significantly faster than Schumacher.

1 Senna On a Unicycle 1m00.s
2 Clark On a Skateboard 1m14.s
3 Fangio Also on a Skateboard 1m14.s
4 Stewart On foot 1m14.s
5 G. Hill On a Scooter 1m14.s
6 Hawthorn Also on foot 1m15.s
7 Moss In an Electric Wheelchair 1m15.s
8 Von Tripps Also on a Scooter 1m15.s
9 Lenin Riding a wave of Democratic Centralism 1m15.s
10 Lewis Collins Riding Martin Shaw 1m15.s
11 J. Lo Being carried by her Massive Ego 1m16.s
12 Prost Riding a Hobby Horse 1m17.s
13 Gordon Brown Riding on Economic Growth 20m18.s
14 SCHUMACHER Ferrari 21m14.s

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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