Written by Monkey Woods
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Saturday, 15 May 2010

image for Hull City Appoint Phil Brown Head Groundsman
Brown couldn't cut it in the Prem - can he cut grass?

Hull City shocked their fans and the rest of the footballing world earlier this afternoon, by offering former manager Phil Brown, who was placed on gardening leave towards the end of last season, the exciting position of Head Groundsman.

Brown, 50, was given leave to 'tend his garden' with nine games of the season remaining, and was then replaced by the weirdly Shrek-like Iain Dowie, who dutifully took the Tigers back into the Championship.

Brown has used his time well, endlessly mowing his lawn, planting more grass seed and arranging his borders to maximum aesthetic effect. He has also installed a rockery complete with decorative figures, one of whom resembles the aforementioned Dowie.

Yesterday, City chairman Adam Pearson recalled Brown to the KC for an emergency meeting, and made what he called "a generous offer" that could keep Brown at the club he took into the Premier League in 2008.

Brown said after the meeting:

"I'd like to go back into football management, but nobody decent will have me."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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