Written by Bill Licks
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Saturday, 17 April 2010

image for Delia Smith streaks across the pitch naked as Norwich City are promoted
Don't do it Delia - you'll make a twat of yourself again

Canary's fans all over the world were celebrating today as Norwich City returned to the Championship at their first attempt after being relegated to the first division last season.

The happiest Norwich City supporter though was 88 year old TV cook Delia Smith who showed her delight by ripping off all of her clothes and streaking across Charlton Athletics' pitch, the Valley after Norwich's 1-0 victory.

Manager Paul Lambert tried to cover up Delia's modesty with a green and yellow Norwich City scarf, but the jubilant chef was having none of it and ran off waving the scarf in the air whilst fans looked on in amazement.

Norwich fan, Dilbert Farmhand said, 'Oi was shocked so I was when I looked out on the pitch at the final whistle, and there she was bounding across the pitch loik a new born lamb. Oi never knew old Delia 'ad it in 'er to behave loik that but after a couple of glasses of wine she always seems to get out of control. Ooh-aah'

Celebrity Norwich supporter Stephen Fry also couldn't believe his eyes. 'What an absolutely incredible performance' he said 'I haven't seen breasts like that since nanny used to force me to feast on her mountainous mamaries when I was 16. Oh how I was repulsed back then and watching Delia bought back those awful memories.'

An over excited Delia was interviewed after her streak and grabbed hold of the TV reporter's microphone. 'I haven't felt this liberated since I cooked one of my pineapple upside down cakes in the nude whilst my husband helped from behind by entering my own pineapple ring. It's a great day for Norwich and I hope the fans will cheer us on next season for another promotion to the Premiership. Now where's the bar - I'm off to get fucking hammered. LET'S BE 'AVING YER'

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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