Written by Oliver Holt
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Topics: Summer, contract

Saturday, 8 January 2005

image for EDU BREAKS SILENCE
VA VA PALIS ENGLAIS ?

EPL team Arsenal's wantaway Brazilian Edu has broken his silence on recent contract problems with the club. Negotiations have been ongoing for 6 months with the midfielders current deal due to expire in the summer, though an agreement has not been found.

Many forcasted the problems to be down to Arsenal unable to afford an increase of the players wages as well as some speculating EDU wanting to join a bigger club, with the likes of bitter rivals Manchester United, Real Madrid and Barcelona mentioned. However the latest twist in the saga has surprised everyone, not least team mate Thierry Henry quoted as saying 'Je nai sai Qua'.

Edu released this statement this morning:

'Many have questioned why I have not signed with Arsenal and many have speculated, the rumours are having a bad effect on my family and now I wish to put all straight once and for all. While I like the club and my team mates I cannot allow anyone to change me from what I am.

Edu bursted into tears before continuing :

'I am a victim of not being a Frenchman, the fact I am from Brazil is being used as discrimination against me. The manager always speaks to me in French and when I say I dont understand he fines me 2 weeks wages for 'unproffesional behaviour'. My team mates have been told that they must only communicate in French with me, and they regulary put Garlic buds in my pre match meals. Not only this but they force me to wear Les Blues shirts and sing the national anthem. For me this is unfair and deeply upsetting.

Edu took a break to wipe away his tears before going on:

'When I represent Brazil and return to the dressing room I get humiliated in front of my face when Henry says to Pires 'Hey Bobby, whats the French for traitor'. Ashley Cole continues to force me to wear a black and white stripped shirt and play an accordian at our Christmas parties. At first I though this was team bonding but it is simple discrimination. And I will not tollerate it anymore.

When EDU was asked how he communicates with Arsene Wenger when discussing his contract he replied: 'Arsene has a translater who translate my English into French, then he replies in French which is told in English to me. He can speak full English but im being victimised. He also stares at me in disgust when I can't reply in French'.

EDU insists that he is a proud Brazilian and if that means he has to move clubs then so be it, this was a big shock to the public and many suggest that the court of human rights may get involved. Wether EDU ever learns French in the future is a mystery but his career at 'Les Highbury' as he is told to call it, seems over.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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