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Wednesday, 17 February 2010

image for Tiger Woods To Hold Press Conference
Tiger is expected to announce when he will return to the sport that pays him millions

Tiger Woods has announced that he will hold a press conference on Friday at a Golf Club in Florida. It will be his first public media address since apologizing for affairs and infidelity in December and the first press conference since before his Thanksgiving weekend crash.

Woods will limit the press reporters who will be there, inviting only representatives of the Associated Press, Bloomberg, Reuters, and The Playboy Channel. Reporters from other services who show up will not be seated unless they are blonde with an ample bosom.

The media event will also take place during the same hours as the Accenture Match Play Championship in Arizona. Accenture was the first company to drop Tiger after his marital problems surfaced.

There will be an open bar at the event, but Tiger made sure that there will be no Gatorade allowed in the building (for the same reasons).

A spokesman for Mr. Woods said that the event should be finished before 1:00 p.m. because "the national college cheerleading championships are being held down the road, and Tiger has a few girls that he wants to check out there."

Blonde, of course.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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