Written by Danny Burger
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Sunday, 14 February 2010

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Manchester United drew with Aston Villa this week despite United midfielder, Nani, seeing red. Confusing us for the BBC, SAF could not be reached for comment so unfortunately we were subjected to the thoughts of Mike Phelan.

"Oh it was a definite red no doubt, but we - and by we I mean, the majestic sir Alex (inshallah) and myself, we just said to the lads - in perfect unison I may add, that apart from the game at the emirates, when Nani is on the pitch it's like playing with 10 men anyway. So it's as you were fellas - now get in there and argue with that ref - we'll do our best to get 9 minutes injury time."
United ended up with a point, but that didn't phase Whelan from following us into the carpark and sharing with us his views further...

"We are awesome, Sir Alex (inshallah) is a god,he's an idol, he's great, 10 men and we didn't lose... glory glory..."

By this time we had driven off at speeds well in excess of the speed limit.

To Arsenal now and the gunners won a vital game against Liverpool this week,but the game was marred by some controversy. Lucas Lieva appeared to be one of the best players on the ground and the FA is set to investigate as this may indicate match fixing.

Volley-ball hero, Cesc Fabregas, was said to be shocked by the allegations - claiming Arsenal won the game "fair and square", although replays indicate that Eduardo may have done an "avatar" with Nicolas Bendtnars body and Cesc Fabregas himself looking to do his best Paul Scholes impersonation deep in injury time.

Either way, perhaps now we all must think of Arsenal not as the "gunners" but the "gunna's", cause they might just lift that premiership trophy afterall....

More fallout from the John Terry saga this week has seen Chelsea FC lose a potential Major shirt sponsorship deal from Nike. The American sports goods company is seething after the recent Woods/Henry incidents and that had left the company searching for new faces, unfortunately the idea of John Terry sporting a "just do it" logo was not palatable to Nike chiefs......or Ashely Cole wearing one........or Didier Drogba....

Elsewhere in the league: games where won and games were lost,some were even drawn.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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