Written by Bill Licks
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Friday, 29 January 2010

image for Vinnie Jones in 'I used to play football' shock
Nuts - Not Geordie Flavoured Though

The sporting world was rocked this week when during an episode of Celebrity Big Brother, Vinnie Jones announced to his fellow housemates that he used to play football. The news was received by the other celebrities with a reaction of silence and open mouthed shock, apart from Nicola T who permanently had that expression on her face - probably overcoming the amazement of watching a door open and shut.

Sport historians are now desperately searching for proof that Jones did actually play football. It's commonly known that he regularly turned up on Saturday afternoons at Wimbledon and Leeds but he was only ever seen gurning angrily in the faces of other players, leaving the pitch for an early bath or grabbing insane Geordies by their meat and two veg.

A close acquaintance of Vinnie Jones's, pool cleaner's, sister's dog groomer said 'Ever since he's become a Hollywood movie star he's convinced his celebrity neighbours like Quentin Tarantino and the bloke who played Potsy in Happy Days, that he was the best soccer player England ever produced and that he single handedly won the World Cup for England in 1992 by scoring a hatrick against Brazil in the final. Obviously he can't exaggerate that much in Big Brother because clever people like Dane Bowers would have sussed him out immediately. It just shows how his acting skills have developed over the past few years if he can make statements like 'I used to play football' and still keep a serious look on his face.'

Vinnie Jones was unavailable for comment as he was still in the Big Brother house, dressed as a horse whilst doing the washing up.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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