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Tuesday, 26 January 2010

image for Favre Off to Scotland  To Be Saviour of American League Football; Promises Title
Scottish American Football Fans Queue for New Season with Favre!

Claiming he always loves to travel and welcomes a challenge, NFL Legend Quarterback Brett Favre announced he is leaving the NFL in order to join the SGA (Scottish Gridiron Association) dedicated to advance American football in Scotland!

Reports confirm Favre will be the President, General Manager, Coach and starting Quarterback for the "Scottish Claymores" with a 25% ownership stake!

Fans of American Football in Scotland, and a few in the England, poured out into the streets from local sports pubs on hearing the news!

"Rabbie Burns will be kicking up his heels in his grave, he will, when he hears this news," said one fan, local butcher Wiggy McDermott, who is the designated Haggis Concocter for his village of "Bonnie by the Sea".

The announcement was delayed till Monday, January 25, officially Robert Burns day, even though Favre made his future plans known after losing a difficult playoff game Sunday evening.

"Win, Lose, Draw or Death....I knew I was going to move on to Scotland after the game," said Favre. "I've accomplished everything I could during my US career, and now it's time to move on and help me mates in Scotland who have been fighting for years to bring an exciting brand of 'real' football to the islands!"

A spokesman for Favre promised there would be "none of those little buggers running around in short pants and knee socks pretending to fall down in an attempt to win a Hallmark greeting card from sympathetic refs!"

He also claimed that no longer would fans fall asleep while watching a 4 hour 0-0 game, and he warned, " you don't want to duck out for a piss at half time, or you'll really miss the fireworks show!"

The Scots have been looking for years to put a face to their efforts to bring American Football to the fore. They feel Favre will be their "Becks", and amazingly they look like brothers, albeit Brett has simpler tastes, doesn't mince about, or have a perfume named after him.

Plans are underway for a host of Scotland's single malt distilleries to brand a Scotch after Favre, and Brett already says he prefers a fine sip of Famous Grouse to Perrier Water, again showing the difference between him and his effeminate Soccer counterpart.

A spokesman for the league says teams will still maintain a host of native Scotsman, primarily in the kicking game, but that inquiries are already pouring in from the Colonies from BIG NAME NFL players, especially since they found out Scotland doesn't have a drug testing policy.

Favre said Scotland was one of the few places left that appreciate age, experience and True Grit in it's athletes over America's crass pursuit of youth, greed, self gratification and rudeness.

A quick check of Favre's biography proved he had never head butted a woman in a pub who refused his advances, owns only one vehicle, a restored 1955 Ford 150 stepside pickup, married his child hood sweet heart, wears store bought jeans, and has never, never, kicked his dog or put a hamster in the microwave.

An avid hunter and outdoorsman, Favre said he is looking forward to enjoying the local fare, and can't wait to sit down to his first team meal of Cock O'Leek Soup, although he said he could do without the prunes, Haggis, Neeps and Tatties topped off with Tipsey Laird for dessert.

Favre has already put a deposit on a small vine covered cottage with surrounding fields of thistle and heather encompassing 300 acres and has hired a game keeper to encourage partridge habitation as well as strengthening the herd of magnificent Red Stags.

A dog lover, Favre said he will be bring his two favourite retrievers with him, but hopes to start a breeding program to enhance the blood lines of Giant Snauzers and Scottish Terriers.

Mrs. Favre is said to be playing a large hand in designing the uniforms for the 'Claymores' and is said to be leaning to a fetching plaid highlighting blues, greens, and blood red light weight wool.

Plans call for an exhibition game prior to the season opener against the winner of the upcoming super bowl game and Brett says this time he's going to win it! "Hey, last time I made one bad play and it cost us the game, DOGGONE IT ...this time Drew Brees is going to know what it feels like to have victory snatched from your hands and be vilified, DAGNABBIT!

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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