Written by P.M. Wortham
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Topics: NFL, FDA, Playoffs

Thursday, 21 January 2010

image for FDA Bans Chip Dip for Remainder of NFL Playoffs
Forget the brownies, I gotta have more dip.

Following numerous news reports of fighting during National Football League playoff parties, the Food and Drug Association has determined that the source of most man-on-man violence originated over individual hoarding of potato chip dip.

Not yet ready to comment on the root cause of the trouble, the FDA suspects that many sour cream based dips carry an addictive ingredient that forces party participants to crave the glorious, creamy paste to the point of fisticuffs when the dip disappears.

Milk producers deny the claim, but insiders at three cheese and sour cream manufacturing divisions have seen suspicious ingredients being added during processing. "With milk product consumption down and profits falling, we wondered if this wasn't a planned attempt to boost sales. After all the dips are quite yummy, and you can't ever, ever run out", says homogenization engineer, Ben Laktick.

Inspections continue throughout the Midwest, and some containers of purified Tetrahydrocannabinol were found at two sites. Also known as ThC, the active ingredient in marijuana, the drug has been known to generate severe and sudden hunger, commonly referred to as the "Munchies".

"It's the perfect way to sell more chips and dip during playoff season", says Laktick. "You can't watch a game without several large bowls of chips and tubs of dip at the ready. As for me, I wasn't prepared for the side effects. I do hope Uncle Bobby's nose heals in time for the Superbowl."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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