Written by Danny Burger
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Monday, 18 January 2010

Well the hits just keep on rolling in the premier league this week as Alex Ferguson revealed Dimitar Berbatov will undergo an "operation".

"Dimitar's had a few niggles and problems recently that are affecting his performance, he needs treatment. The medical staff plan to replace his knee,his foot,his thigh,his calf,his ankle,his arm,his shoulder,his chest, his hands,his neck,his stomach.... but we'll leave the head alone.... we can't really stand to look at Wayne in the face, so one botched mug is enough for our eyes!" said a man who looks a dead ringer for a certain fictional Scottish detective.

Also today, Arsene Wenger has been arrested and then freed in the space of 20mins. A local Nth London police officer explains the misunderstanding.

"We received several calls from the public concerned about a strange old man acting suspiciously around primary schools in the area. Naturally we investigated and our officers made the arrest. Upon questioning and searching the suspect it became apparent that Mr.Wenger was only conducting a scouting mission for the Arsenal football club. We apologised and we offered to shake his hand, but he declined."

Some movement in the transfer market has seen Maxi Rodriguez sign for Liverpool on a free.
"It's great to sign for a club like Liverpool. I am here to help the team and hopefully win the premiershhhh.........well the champions leaaaaaa..........I mean to win the F.A. C.... Well...... I am here." said the Argentine winger at a press conference.

Not much else to report, but a rumour doing the media circuit suggests that every club and every player is holding off on potential dealings to see if Man City come in with a ridiculous offer.
Which would also back up a recent survey taken by school children nationwide. When asked "what do you want to be when you grow up" a staggering %70 answered "3rd string goal keeper for Manchester city" with %27 answering "Dimitar Berbatov". Strangley when asked why, both sets has the same answer - "so I can sit around a get paid millions to do nothing"

Oh don't we all wish it could be us.......

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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