Written by Monkey Woods
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Thursday, 14 January 2010

image for Sol Campbell Arsenal Captain Again
Oh no, sorry everyone. That's Notts Forest

Sol Campbell, the football journeyman who recently left League Two side Notts County, has returned to the place of his former glories, Arsenal, and is to be made team captain again.

Campbell, who left Arsenal for Portsmouth in 2006, became a 'firm favourite' at Fratton Park, particularly amongst the gay community, many of whose members described him as 'one of the firmest favourites' they could remember.

The former England defender, 35, whose real name is Sulzeer Jeremiah Campbell (honestly!), started his career at Tottenham, but was lured away from Pompey by the Meadow Lane club after being allegedly being promised 'unlimited amounts of cash', but jumped ship almost immediately after touching a teammate's arse whilst showering.

Now, however, due to the looming injury crisis at the Emirates, Arsene Wenger is set to overlook the gay implications, and to throw Campbell into the heart of his defence, and to give him the captain's armband as well.

Current captain, William Gallas, who himself is known to like fags, welcomed Sol's arrival. He said:

"I welcome Sol's arrival."

Other players were not so convinced, however. Goalkeeper Manuel Almunia summed up his feelings when he said:

"The only good thing about it is that he'll be standing in front of me rather than behind me."

Notts County is an anagram of O, Snotty Cunt!

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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