Written by queen mudder
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Topics: Tiger Woods

Thursday, 17 December 2009

image for Tiger hired private eyes to test if Elin was snooping on his extramarital marauding
Bugging the buggers: Tiger was convinced Elin had cracked his philandering

Orlando, Fla - (Rotters): The champion athlete became so paranoid that his wife had been secretly watching him that he spent $500,000 tailing Elin's imaginary dicks it emerged today.

He even paid for covert DNA testing of his children after becoming suspicious he'd married a no-good gold-digger.

From the February 2009 birth of their son Charlie Axel the golfing superstar's retinue of private snoops spied on the lactating mom's every move.

Staff at the couple's Californian and Florida mansions were subjected to lie detectors, cavity searches and the kind of draconian security measures normally reserved for high risk mental hospitals.

In short Tiger's paranoia spiralled out of control in a bid to double check the firewall of his every sordid extramarital charade.

"When Elin dropped the Thanksgiving bombshell of his five years' squalid adultery it almost knocked the stuffing out of him," the Woods resident poolman told reporters today.

Porn star Holly Sampson might have been bugged by the FBI according to the Woods' vermin exterminator speaking to cable TV news today.

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