Written by DaddyMothership
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Thursday, 5 November 2009

image for Marks & Sponser @Newcastle.
Ashley is a big fat Twit.

Newcastle United fans are waking up fuming this morning at the prospect of their home ground being renamed. Mike Ashley assured a press conference there is no law against renaming the club.

"I looked it up in my Subbuteo rule book." He said.

The current owner may have a point. Having treated this great club like a boy's Christmas game he has now decided to tip the board over and walk off in a sulk.

One stunned fan told us, "Owe aye like."

Ashley has placated the fans by telling them the ground will retain its historic name, though it will have to be prefixed with the sponsor's corporate moniker.

"So the new club will be called after the sponsor then @St James' Park. No matter what sponsor comes in now or in the future."

The owner, who looks like a lazy zebra in a savannah where all lions have become extinct, hinted at the new owners being Marks and Spencer.

This means the new name of the stadium will now be St Michael's @St James Park. Ian Saint John said it would never have happened in his day. The first match at the newly named stadium will be against Southampton.

We found a leaked document outlining new plans for @St James' which says all seats are going to be torn out and replaced with cold shelves filled up with roast chickens and hanging rails for ladies knickers from the Marks and Spencer brand.

All future matches will be broadcast by constant updates on Twitter. You can follow the score on @soldyoursoul.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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