Written by Simon Cockle
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Sunday, 18 October 2009

image for Liverpool sign Stadium of Light beachball to strengthen attack
The beachball skips around two Liverpool players and scores

Liverpool, in an increasingly desperate attempt to revive their flagging season, have signed the beachball whose skilfull deflection was their downfall yesterday.

The beachball, who was on loan from the Spanish side Real Costa del Sol, will partner Torres up front as Liverpool seek to gain ground on the main teams above them. Benitez, the Liverpool manager said at a hastily arranged press conference this morning 'we need someone of the beachball's quality up front. He is an all round player.' Liverpool paid £30 million for the beachball, though many suggest that this is inflated.

This is not the first time an item connected with a seaside leisure activity has played top flight football. As far back as 1954, a deckchair regularly turned out for Blackpool. Two ice-cream cones and a Kiss-Me-Quick hat were on the books of Manchester City in the early 1970s. Finally, Tony Adams, a donkey, played for Arsenal in the 1990s.

Sunderland have not lost for three games, having won two on the bounce. Liverpool have lost their last two games and are not entirely sure where they left them. The FA have suggested they try to remember where they had them last and retrace their steps.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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