Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Friday, 16 October 2009

image for Rush Limbaugh Banned From Buying The St. Louis Rams
This is a photo of what an unnamed St. Louis Rams football player says Rams Stadium will look like if Limbaugh buys the team.

ST. LOUIS - The St. Louis Morning Monitor is reporting that the NFL Board of Directors has voted to ban conservative radio talk show host Rush Limbaugh from purchasing The St. Louis Rams.

Sports Editor Baxter Swimsteen of The Morning Monitor said that he was told by an unnamed source that the reason that Limbaugh is being barred from buying the Rams is because of the players themselves.

Swimsteen said that when the Rams players found out that Rush Limbaugh was looking into buying their team they all got together and by a vote of 65 to 1 voted that if Limbaugh buys the team they would all refuse to play.

When asked on what grounds would they be basing their decision Alonso Cuttingtool, who is the team spokesman said on the grounds that Mr. Limbaugh, in the past has made some derogatory remarks about African-Americans, or as Limbaugh refers to them, 'folks of some very prevalently pronounced color.'

Cuttingtool was asked to give some examples. He said that two years ago Limbaugh had said that the reason that there are no African-American punters in the NFL is because there are no skinny blacks in the NFL.

He also went on to say that the same is true for kickers. Plus he added that there are no black kickers in the NFL because most blacks consider being a kicker just one step above being a cheerleader.

Limbaugh says that he blames Rev. Al Sharpton for putting those thoughts into the minds of the black St. Louis Rams players.

When Sharpton was asked to comment on Limbaugh's remarks about the St. Louis Rams, the reverend stated, "The St. Louis Rams? I was under the impression dat they was the Los Angeles Rams. Let me just say dis about dat.

Everyone has the right to be treated fairly and justly. We are all the same. No one of us be better than the other one of us. We are all registered voters and being as such, we all have the constitutional right to choose our religion, political affiliation, and whether we want paper or plastic."

Rush Limbaugh has stated that he is not just going to stand idly by and let a bunch of bloods and crips as he has called black NFL players in the past dictate to him what he can and cannot do.

Limbaugh became extremely upset and stated that this is the United States of America, it ain't Iran, Iraq, Illinois, or even Venezuela.

The GOP radio personality said that he will take it all the way to the NAACP if he has to. He said that he has already secured the services of the Boston law firm of Shimisaka, Chalupa, Kashido, & Aquanueva, one of the best American civil rights law firms in the country.

An individual who did not want his name mentioned stated that he had heard that another reason that the St. Louis Ram players did not want Limbaugh to purchase the team is because Limbaugh had told Larry King that once he buys the St. Louis team he plans on changing their name from Rams to the GOP party symbol, the Elephants.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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