Written by Hoskinator
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Thursday, 30 July 2009

image for Steven Gerrard opens new boxing gym
fight fight fight

Last week Steven Gerrard was found not guilty after he confronted the DJ about the type of music he was playing, Gerrard insisted he let him change the music because he was torturing the whole pub with terrible music choices and barely audible cheesy comments between songs. It is rumoured the DJ struck a blow for DJ's everywhere when he told Steven Gerrard that he would have to "rip the cd's out of his Ninja grip if he wanted to change the music". Gerrard being an English gentlemen had no time for a Ninja based attack but he was well verse in Queensbury rules and the craft of boxing.

After the initial confrontation there seemed to be a breakdown in communication, the DJ seemingly not realizing he accepted a duel with Liverpool's finest, relaxed, dropped his guard and continue to pollute the soundscape with his terrible songs. At the start of the next song, Steve G came storming out and delivered 3 swift upper cuts or as some observers described as delivering some "chin music" to the DJ. The chin music was not to the taste of the DJ and he promptly dived on the floor and conceding the bout.

On the unveiling of the first of his new gyms Steve Gerrard gave this uplifting speech "for too many years DJ's have tortured and bullied the every man with their foul brew of terrible songs, grease lighting, tuneless singing, the village people and repeated playing of the same songs week in and week out. Today people of the UK and the world, today is the day we say no more, today is the day we say listen to the crowd and play what they want. I don't agree with Morrissey's attitude towards DJ's when he advised people to hang them but I definitely believe we should stand up to them and punch them a bit."

Gerrard ambition is to open a boxing gym in every major city and believes this is a crucial first blow in the war against aggressive DJ's which are a blight on UK society.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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