Written by J.M.Reay
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Friday, 9 July 2004

image for Beckham Reveals Real Facts of Penalty Incident

David Beckham broke cover early this morning to put forward his reasons for the penalty miss that helped to send the English team crashing out of the European finals
The shaven-headed superstar, 26 and a half, emerged from the front door of one of his £45 million mansion retreats, sporting a stylish bandana with tastefully matched knee-length skirt, and clutching what he claims is clear video evidence that will clear his name.
The strong-boned blonde claims the video shows he was not in fact inside the stadium at the time of the penalty incident, but visiting a local monastery with his wife, Posh, 44, two children, and five nannies.
In the video, Beckham alleges he can clearly be seen standing under a clock, next to a man who is reading a dated daily newspaper.
This reporter asked if it would be possible to view the video evidence. Mr Beckham replied that his VCR was not at that moment working, but that he had wanted to tell everyone now as his repair man was booked up for the next week.
He went on, "errm i know its a strange concept, I've err struggled with...it myself. When Victoria reminded me of the video...and explained it to me, I errr... thought yeah, that's right. We were there."
Asked how he could explain his apparent presence in the stadium he suggested it could have well have been the TZ101 holographic concept model that his main sponsor, Tampax4Men, were experimenting with.
He also went on to suggest that many of his games when he had been accused of playing below par, were down to a glitch in the software. He added that the top engineers at Tampax4Men were working hard to ready his TZ102(b) model in time for the World Cup in 2006.
As he left to begin a mid-length hair shoot with Toni & Guy, Beckham denied he was widely regarded as a dummy.
Sven Yorran Errickson is now believed to be working on the Volvo production line as a light bulb tester.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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