The United States Men's Synchronized Swimming Team reports that it is ready to take on the world this summer at the Olympic games in Athens.
Team Captain Buck Wagner says that he is excited about the chance to express himself in front of millions in the Olympic's newest competition. "It's just fantastic!" excalimed Wagner, "We've all been working so hard and its just great to finally have men in the fine sport of synchronized swimming. In my heart, I've always been a dancer. And a swimmer. Now, I'm a dancing swimmer...It's just terrific!"
The team has been practicing long hours for nearly a year since forming late last summer at the Wagner family Barbecue in the team captain's above-ground swimming pool.
"I've been friends with Buck for nearly ten years now," said team member Bruce McRoy, " It's been sort of a tradition for us and some of the other boys to have a dip in the pool after his wife and kids go to bed. Last year, (team member) Lance (Berkstrom) put C and C Music Factory into the boom box...and well, everybody dances...now."
"It's about time that men who can't skate were given a forum to display the gracefulness and beauty of the male body in an Olympic competition," said Berkstrom, "We've all worked so hard on the routine and we are very excited. We look forward to seeing all of the competition and wish them all the best of luck. Except, of course, the French."
Some skeptics are worried about the fact that the average weight of team USA members is about 260 lbs., and about 30% body fat.
The U.S. team is coached the world famous Bella Lusquigi, who said, "I think we have a really good shot at (the gold medal). I've never seen so many overweight, unattractive men in speedos come together so quickly to achieve a common goal."
Team USA officially qualified to compete in Athens this week by performing their shorter, twelve minute presentation 'Hylias and the Nymphs' for judges. Coach Lusquigi says that he's is confident that the team will blow Athens judges away with their 46 minute presentation, 'An Aquatic Interpretation of the Plight of the Jews During the Holocaust.'