Written by Monkey Woods
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Wednesday, 27 May 2009

image for Alan Shearer To Be Given The Freedom Of The City Of Hull
...and as much fish 'n' chips as he can eat!

Newcastle United boss Alan Shearer got back down to brass tacks yesterday after his team were relegated at the weekend, and there was some good news for the Geordie, as it was announced that he is to be given the freedom of the city of Hull.

Shearer was at St James Park for a meeting with Magpies' owner Mike Ashley when news reached him the Lord Mayor of Hull had decided that, for his outstanding services to Hull City Football Club, and his Herculean efforts to get Newcastle relegated, Shearer should be made a lifetime Freeman of Hull.

Newcastle, it was, under Shearer's stewardship, that enabled the Tigers to escape from a dreaded return to the Championship, by virtue of some really rather inept performances in their last 8 games, of which they won only one.

Hull, however, won only one of their last 22 games, but their manager Phil Brown always felt that their points total at Christmas was going to be enough to keep them in the division. He said:

"We had a good start, and Newcastle were never going to overhaul us. They were shite!"

Shearer will join Hull City legend Dean Windass as the second Freeman of the City of Hull in two years, after the latter scored City's winner in the Championship play-off final against Bristol City last year. Windass said today:

"It was important for City to stay up. We owe it all to Alan Shearer!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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