Written by Ricardo Fromage
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Monday, 11 May 2009

image for Brand new show for Brand to help Football?
Ronaldo yesterday

In order to combat falling viewing numbers after Manchester United win the Premier league with 15 games to go year after year, Premier League fat cats are exploring several ideas on how they can diversify the appeal of the beautiful game.

One suggestion is to revive 80's housewives favourite gameshow "give us a clue" where contestants pass information to their team in a series of hilarious and inventive mimes and gestures.

Apparently the idea was phoned in by a club chairman from his yacht moored off the Bahamas after watching a few matches one Saturday via satellite.

"I was sipping a glass of Bollinger and tucking into a truffle and caviar baguette when I noticed that after scoring a goal, most of the players started a series of gestures such as pretending to rock a baby, pretending to make a phone call, punching the corner flag and so on," he relayed via a minion.

"I thought, I have no bloody idea what was going on but then I remembered my third wife used to love watching Una Stubbs and Lionel Blair doing the same sort of thing, just after Coronation Street on Wednesday nights," he continued, after scraping the bits of baguette off the roof of his mouth.

PFA apologist, Gordon Taylor is allegedly right behind the idea and has approached Russell Brand to take the place of orginal host, Michael Aspel.

"Modern footballers are entertainers. It's only natural that they should want to bolster their meagre wages by TV appearances and lets face it, most footballers can barely string a sentence together so miming is a natural evolution, much like dinosuars became birds, I would imagine" He mumbled, before leaving to bail out Ledley King and Joey Barton.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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