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Tuesday, 17 March 2009

Chicago, Illinois - Laurence Fulton, 42, called the local radio sports show, "Teddy and the Bear" last Sunday to discuss the Chicago Bears' chances at winning a title next year.

Larry, a full time listener to the show and part time father, decided to call "Teddy and the Bear" after being angered by other previous callers who had made it on the air.

"Oh, the idiocy that was spewing out of my radio was ridiculous," Larry told reporters. "They were making the worst comments one can make. They were wasting my time, Teddy's time, and the Bear's time."

The discussion that angered Larry to the point of picking up the phone revolved around recent draft picks the Bears had made in the off-season, and how attaining certain players would affect their seasonal win/loss record.

At 9:05 a.m, a caller to the show expressed his optimism over drafting a first round running back from LSU, and proudly predicted that the Bears would go 11-5 for the season, possibly earning home-field advantage throughout the playoffs.

The comment sent Larry surging past the boiling point, and he picked up the phone at 9:08 to set some things straight. He hit #1 on his speed dial and waited.

"It just really frustrates me that I have to do this," he told us while on hold with the show. "I have things to do, ya know? And then these morons call the show, and then BAM! My morning is shot to hell."

An operator came on the line to tell him to stay on hold. Larry continued to talk to reporters. "Now I'm gonna be late dropping my daughter and son off at their mother's, and now she's gonna give me a load of shit when I get there." Larry's face turned a crimson red. "God! Why are these callers so stupid?!"

After 30 minutes of waiting, Larry's son and daughter, ages 8 and 10 respectively, began to grow restless. They started questioning the possible lateness of their arrival to their mother's house, and just as Larry was about to respond to them, the show's producer told him he was on the air, and that Teddy and The Bear were waiting for his comment.

A tad distracted by his children who were heard complaining to their father on the air, Larry remained steadfast and told all the listeners that the Bears will go 12-4 this year, not 11-5 as previously stated. "Their new LSU running back will definitely demolish the Rams in week 8, gaining approximately 118 yards on the ground," Larry said confidently. "And home-field advantage throughout the playoffs is a given." He then placed the phone back on it's receiver and gave a dutiful nod.

After packing the kids in the car, Larry was reportedly teaching his children to recite a lie for their lateness. Details are sketchy, but there have been reports that the lie concerned a non-existent late-night homework session with his daughter, as well as a fictional baseball catch with his son.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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