Written by Earl Grey
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Thursday, 26 February 2009

image for Fulham Footbal Club Record Attendance
Can I go now?

Craven Cottage achieved a record attendance for the Premier League last night when one man turned up to see their game with West Brom.

Enver Koulakli, an Albanian illegal immigrant, entered the ground by mistake. He was looking for the public toilets and instead he had to sit through ninety minutes with his legs crossed. Despite this discomfort he tried his best to create some atmosphere. At one point he leaped up and began jumping up and down.

The players stopped and watched in bemusement. Fulham manager Roy Hodgson offered him a contract as he was showing more signs of life than Bobby Zamora. But Koulakli said he "just needed a shit", and was trying to take his mind of it.

However, he still may turn out for Fulham in the cup against Manchester United. Roy Hodgson is prepared to take a gamble, unlike any of his players.

Pundits rushed to give their opinion. "Albania? No I've never heard of it. Is it in Africa?" asked Sir Booby Robson "Worther's Original, young man?"

Sir Booby Robson is 210.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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