Written by IainB
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Wednesday, 25 February 2009

image for Middlesbrough Fans Told to "Shut Up"
Riggott and Taylor look for the crowd amid the silence

Fans at Middlesbrough have been told to shut up. Middlesbrough currently sit two points from safety second from bottom in the Premiership, and wear red.

Director of Communications, Millie O'Naire was asked by local residents and the multiplex cinema if the fans could turn down the enthusiasm a little, as it was putting the more elderly off their Garibaldi biscuits, and drowning out the three hundred decibel sound system at the Multiplex next door to the Riverside.

"We have had numerous complaints about the noise," said O'Naire. "One elderly lady, Agnes Pegbasket, was particular upset when 'Boro play at the Riverside midweek, because she likes to go to bed early, and the noise was upsetting her parakeet, Screech."

Spokesman for the Supporters' Association, Olaf Svensson, speaking through an interpreter wanted to squash the accusations.

"In the past we have had requests to make more noise," Svensson said. "Usually in the program the directors want us to be the twelfth man and earn survival in the Premiership, and sometimes over the PA when the teams come out, the announcer shouts: 'make some noise!'.

"They cannot have it both ways."

O'Naire did have a compromise: "It has been suggested that the crowd make a noise only when we score."

"Then the place will sound like a library, if we do that," Svensson rejoined.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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