Written by Fergus McCarthy
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Tuesday, 24 February 2009

image for Roy Keane set to turn air blue as new Manchester City manager.
Cheshire cobble lock driveway.

Roy Keane has been named as 'Replacement in waiting' for manager Mark Hughes job at Manchester City after contractual, legal, ethical and telecommunication issues were finalized today following months of mammoth 'Machiavellian' managerial manoeuvring.

City's new oil rich owners showed no sign of 'Recession Depression' as they gave Keane 11 of his 12 demands and insisted that Roy, 'Show the Russians' what an open cheque book really looks like!

True to form Keane expressed his disappointment that all twelve of his conditions had not been approved, but added with a wry smile that he knew that they'd probably never present him with the head of Mick McCarthy on a silver plate, but was a firm believer in the old saying of "If you don't ask, you don't get."

Some Manchester City fans have voiced concern over rumours that the stadium and the club will be moving to Chester and a ban on cell phones and shellfish is to be imposed inside the new stadium for the duration of Keanes tenure, a stint that former Republic of Ireland team mate Tony Cascarino predicts will be short lived.

"I'll give it 12 months. 18 'tops' before Roy decides that someone's upset him and calls Mr Kennedy to make sure the Irish Times request an audience when instructed.
Then there's the players. I just can't see how Robinho and Roy will get along, I mean, it's a long way from Cobh to the Copacabana. Just remember what the bloke on Google search said"

'Ego has a voracious appetite, the more you feed it, the hungrier it gets.'

Roy Keane dismissed Cascarino's remarks as '"Not worth the sweat off an Australian's vest"

On the subject of Robinho, Keane told reporters "He's not a bad player, but he's no Georgie Kinkladze."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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